I know my typical Life Lately posts are filled with little and my favorite things of the moment, but I wanted to do something a little differently for today’s post. One topic, a bit more long-form, a bit more personal. We’ll be back to our regularly formatted Life Lately posts come the new year. (Can’t believe I just said that!)
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I think it’s safe to say that the holiday season is well underway. Hannukah just ended and Christmas has been in the air since the end of October. (Why tho?!) While the sentiment of cheer and merriment are nice, this time of year can be difficult to get through for many people. It can last a few days or the entire holiday season, but no matter the duration, the holiday blues are very real for a lot of people.
Before I knew it as the holiday blues, for years once December rolled around, I didn’t feel like myself. I noticed that the holidays didn’t just heighten my senses, but also my emotions. I would feel more depressed than usual and extremely vulnerable emotionally. The sometimes feelings of longing, sadness, stress, and anxiety felt during the year, were amplified. I couldn’t wait for January 1st to come around and for the holiday season to be over so I could start feeling like myself again.
The holiday blues manifested itself for a few reasons. With my family no longer celebrating the holidays, I still longed for the days we did. I missed putting up the tree, watching Home Alone and A Charlie Brown Christmas (my all-time favorite), buying and exchanging gifts, and of course, all the food associated with this time of year. I missed the reunions with family and friends that were in town for the holidays. More than anything, I missed the way the holidays felt like this magical pause from reality.
As life got more complicated complex with age, my feelings towards the holidays changed. I would feel stress over not having the perfect holiday complete with the perfect gifts, the perfect partner, and the perfect holiday moments. Anxiety surrounded events and interactions with people that made me uncomfortable. And as more and more of my family and friends moved out of NY, loneliness soon set in.
While I realized there was a definite downshift in my mood during this time of year, I needed to understand why. Why did the holiday season leave me feeling so incredibly sad and lonely when I didn’t feel this way the other 11 months of the year? It took me a long while to admit it, but I finally accepted the fact that my feelings around the holidays, as well as the why, weren’t so random. I had feelings of longing and loneliness because I was in fact lonely. I felt FOMO as I watched others attended holiday parties and partake in different holiday activities because deep down, I wanted that too. Truthfully, I don’t care much for the holidays, but the human aspect of it all created this desire within me.
So here we are, the holiday season upon us once again. I’m not sure if, when, or how the holiday blues will appear. And I’m not going to agonize myself with it either. But recognizing it has made going into the next few weeks that much easier. I will be working nonstop through New Years, but I’m making it my number one priority to check-in with myself and to take care of myself. I don’t doubt that I will feel bits of sadness creep in. But I will also try my best to not dwell on it and instead, manifest those feelings into something positive.
The holiday blues can affect us in different ways and for different reasons. It can stem from family stress, financial pressure, a breakup, or the loss of a loved one. Those that deal with depression on the daily are especially vulnerable. (Just because it’s “the most wonderful time of year” doesn’t mean they get a break for the holidays.) But I hope at some point, you have a moment of peace, and a moment to smile. More than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone, and hopefully that makes things easier. And if at any point during the holiday season you need a friend, I’m always an email or DM away. I mean it.
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