My 29th Birthday

Over the years, I’ve become one of those people that’s very meh about their birthday. I don’t loathe it or hate it, but I don’t make a big deal about it either. To that point, only my parents, family, a few of my friends and the government know when my actual birthdate is. (I even removed it from Facebook.)

For some reason with the last year of my twenties ahead of me, I started thinking about why I became so indifferent about my birthday.  And I boiled it down to one thing.

Pressure.

To have some big celebration or to have certain things accomplished in life by age X. “You’re not doing anything for your birthday? But you are turning [insert age here}!” Or “you’re still not married? Not in a relationship? What are you waiting for?” Instead of being excited to, oh, I don’t know, celebrate another year of being alive, and all the things that I had accomplished, I was hung up on a bunch of insignificant markers and bullshit.

The closer I came to my birthday this year, the more I realized that all I wanted for my birthday was to be alone. Not in a sad “woe is me” type way, but in a “I just need a minute for myself” way.

I wasn’t scheduled to work but when I saw a trip open up with a long layover in Long Beach, I picked it up immediately. Long Beach holds a special place in my heart as it was my very first layover as a flight attendant and the very first city I ever visited in California. It’s where I fell in love with California. It was exactly where I wanted to be, where I needed to be, for the day.

When I got to the hotel for my layover, I realized that this would be my first birthday away from my family and friends. I felt sad for a minute but then I remembered that this was just what I needed. No one to question how I was spending my day or to ruin it. With my phone on Do Not Disturb, I ordered too much room service and settled in with a movie on Netflix. I have the hardest time relaxing/watching movies, but I just settled right in, so this was big for me.

The next morning, the day of my birthday, I woke up happy. With the whole day ahead of me before working the red-eye back, I got things started with a little dance party before heading downtown to the Aquarium of the Pacific. Yes, my 29th birthday was going to be one any four-year-old would be jealous of. But it was so much fun. The aquarium is beautiful with so much to see and do (like petting sharks and jellyfish, which I passed on). I really had the best time getting lost amongst the sea life and the beautiful colors of the ocean.

After the aquarium, I took a little stroll around Rainbow Harbor, checking out The Pike lighthouse and the Queen Mary across the harbor. Being by the water always brings out the best in me and as the weather was favorable, I sat down and ended up reflecting for a bit. Dealing with feelings can be exhausting, but in this moment, it felt right to do just that. The deeper I thought about it, the more I realized just how much I accomplished in the last year. I left a job I hated and found one that I loved.  I discovered (and rediscovered) new passions. For the first time in a long time, I could honestly say that I was happy.

Then I thought of the things I could improve on. Like not holding myself back from going after the things I really want in life. Or letting fear get the better of me. Not getting stuck in societal norms of who or what I should be. Not seeking acceptance from other people and that I’m basically perfect as I am. (That’ sarcasm, but you get my drift.) I realized that a major reason my energy felt sapped all the time was because I was not surrounding myself with the best people. I was letting people in that were taking too much of my time and energy. People that, simply put, are just toxic.

Most of all, I realized that I needed to take better care of myself emotionally, mentally and physically. I loved this annual reflection, but the reality was that I needed to have more of these conversations with myself, more often. It was a lot to think about and unpack, but it was also very cathartic and a huge relief. This moment of peace and clarity was just what I needed.

“I restore myself when I’m alone.” Marilyn Monroe

Ready for the next stop on my birthday parade, I wrapped up my time downtown and went to Daiso for a little shopping spree. Words cannot express how much I love Daiso. I go every. single. time I’m in California. If you’re unfamiliar with Daiso, the best way I can describe it as a more elevated, better quality 99cent store. I feel like I always pick up so much stuff, get to the register and only end up spending around $30. It’s amazing! I wish shopping at Sephora yielded the same results! Before heading back to the hotel, I grabbed some In-N-Out, and enjoyed my Double-Double Animal Style in bed. After a two hour nap, it was time to get ready and head to the airport.

Ultimately, being alone for my birthday was exactly what I needed. No pressure, no stress, no negativity. It just may have been the best birthday and the best start to a new year yet. Actually, it just may be how I spend at least part of my birthday from now on…Here’s to 29, a year that’s more optimistic and fearless, to doing more, to taking care of myself and most importantly, to living my best life possible.